Signs of High Risk
During 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, from November 25 to December 10, we call on everyone to take action!
SUPPORTING SURVIVORS
It can be hard to think about folks close to us being harmed. It can be even scarier to think that someone we love is at risk of being murdered.
The murder of women, trans folks, non binary folk, and two spirit folks is sadly too common.
Approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner.
Get in the know
Although we don’t want to think about violence happening in our community, knowing how to separate what partner violence really looks like versus what we’re taught in the media, can have a big impact on the folks you are near to.
Why won’t she leave?
As friends, it can be tempting to push a friend who’s being abused to leave. Sadly, that can often increase risk. For most survivors, the first six months to a year after leaving is the most dangerous. This has to do with how abusive folks use power and control. When a survivor is planning to leave, talking about leaving, or has left, that abusive person knows that they have less control and can resort to extremes.
It’s important that we let our friends know of the experts in our communities, help them reach out to them safely, get confidential support for ourselves as helpers, and also, calmly let our friends know how risky their situation may be. Minimizing risk is a very common coping strategy for survivors.
The Neighbours, Friends, and Families Campaign was created from the Ontario Domestic Violence Death Review Committee looking into all femicide cases in Ontario for five years. From their research they created two lists of warning signs: signs of abuse and signs of lethality.
Knowing more about dynamics of violence is important. It’s also important that we know how to approach our friends that might be experiencing abuse and our friends who might be using abuse in a careful safe way. Check out DWS’ ideas for supporting a friend and NFF’s materials on talking to an abusive man.
From the Neighbours, Friends, and Families website:
Warning Signs of Abuse
You may suspect abuse is happening to someone you know, such as a neighbour, friend or family member, but do not know what to do or how to talk about it. You may worry about making the situation worse, or be concerned about what to do. By understanding the warning signs and risk factors of abuse, you can help.
If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action:
Her partner puts her down often
her partner does all the talking and dominates the conversation
Her partner checks up on her all the time, even at work
Her partner convinces her they are victim and acts depressed
She feels isolated from other people or her partner tries to keep her away from her friends and family
Her partner acts like she is their property
Her partner lies to make him/herself look good or exaggerates their good qualities
her partner acts like they are the superior and of more value than others in the home
She is apologetic and makes excuses for her partner’s behaviour or she becomes aggressive and angry
She is nervous talking when her partner is around
She seems to be sick more often and misses work
She tries to cover up bruises or physical injuries
She makes excuses at the last minute about why she can’t meet you or she tries to avoid you on the street
She seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and is afraid
She uses more drugs or alcohol to cope with her situation
Signs of High Risk
The danger may be greater if:
Her partner has access to her and her children
Her partner has access to weapons
Her partner has a history of abuse with her or others
Her partner has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves He/she says "If I can't have you, no one will."
Her partner threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property
Her partner has threatened to kill him/herself
Her partner has hit her or choked her
Her partner is going through major life changes (e.g. job, separation, depression)
Her partner is convinced she is seeing someone else
Her partner blames her for ruining his/her life life
Her partner doesn’t seek support
Her partner watches her actions, listens to her telephone conversations, reads her emails, or follows her
Her partner has trouble keeping a job
Her partner takes drugs or drinks every day
Her partner has no respect for the law
She has just separated or is planning to leave
She fears for her life and for her children’s safety or she cannot see her risk
She is in a custody battle, or has children from a previous relationship
She is involved in another relationship
She has unexplained injuries
She has no access to a phone
She faces other obstacles (e.g. she does not speak English, is not yet a legal resident of Canada, lives in a remote area)
She has no friends or family
Check out the resources section of DWS’ website for lots of info on why violence happens and how we can take action.
You are not alone
You don’t have to support a friend alone. You deserve someone confidential to chat with. DWS’ 24 Hour Support Line is there for folks supporting survivors - 867.993.5086.
Check out all the 16 Days of Activism events here:
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