Consent Education is Violence Prevention
For 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, DWS and other Yukon organizations working to prevent violence are creating spaces for learning more about how GBV works and what prevention can look like.
You are not alone. You deserve support.
As we have tough convos about violence and abuse, please take care of yourself. You are the expert in your life and know best how to take care - whether it’s reaching out to loved one, being on the land, taking time for yourself, or connecting with resources.
Want to help to prevent violence? Sign up for the two FREE workshops DWS is offering on December 6th and 7th. More information and sign-up here.
Image description: Text 'Consent Education is Violence Prevention' on background of colourful northern lights
We’ve come such a long way since 2015 when the ‘consent is like a cup of tea’ video came out and all of a sudden it felt like every timeline was full of convos about how consent is foundational to almost every relationship and not really that difficult to figure out - if you take the time to really listen…
(If you thought the consent tea vid is awesome, we encourage you to get into ‘consent for kids’ which is amazing for folks of all ages. Consent for kids builds on the tea video with actual things you can say when an auntie is coming in for a hug at a feast and even gets to talking about bodily autonomy in a way that’s great for kids and adults!)
Consent as an essential skill is not a trend though.
At DWS, we’re interested in not just helping those who need support after violence, abuse, coercion, and harassment has happened, but preventing violence from happening.
Learning about consent is actually a fabulous way to prevent gendered violence, especially sexual violence.
There is still a tremendous ways to go…
Almost all Canadians (96%) believe all sexual activities should be consensual yet only 1 in 3 Canadians understand what it means to give consent
According to Canadian law, consent should be both positive (e.g. saying yes, initiating and/or enjoying sexual activity) and ongoing (e.g. continues during the sexual activity). Only 1 in 3 (33%) survey respondents identified both of these traits as forms of consent
While most Canadians (97%) believe consent is required for sexual activity between people on a casual date or between new partners, 1 in 10 Canadians believe consent to sexual activity is not needed between long-term partners and spouses
1 in 5 Canadians between the ages of 18 to 34 believe if a woman sends an explicit photo through email or text, this always means she is giving consent to a sexual activity.
All statistics are from Canadian Women’s Foundation who also made this kick ass video about consent:
What Is Consent?
In Canada, consent is covered the criminal code, but that’s just a minimum and who really wants just the minimum? (Would you be excited to get paid the minimum wage???)
Image description: Consent infographic created by Planned Parenthood. In middle of image ‘con ● sent’ with headings above and below separated by pink dotted lines: ‘Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime. Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation. Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others. Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent. Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.’
Consent is:
Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime
Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation
Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others
Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent.
Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.
Text and images created by Planned Parenthood
Consent should be universal
….aaaaaaand the laws in Canada are different than our neighbours.
OPHEA teamed up with kick-ass activist Julie Lalonde to make a quick video about Canadian consent law.
“If someone is guilt-tripping you, or making you feel like if you don’t agree to something they are going to break up with you or spread rumours about you, that person is trying to coerce you and that is not ok.”
Julie talks about consent and alcohol in the video. Read more about navigating consent and alcohol here.
Education to Prevention
Most violence prevention has been focused on those most at risk of being hurt (think about what rape prevention strategies we give young women and which we give to young men…). This strategy of telling young women to ‘not get raped’ has been spectacularly ineffective at preventing or ending violence.
Violence prevention happens when 33% or more community members take daily steps to change from a culture where sexual violence is just an expected part of life for some folks (this is called a ‘rape schedule’) to sexual violence being something we all have a role in preventing.
XYonline collected some studies about the effectiveness of consent education:
National data finds that many students report that sexuality education is not taught early enough, basic and limited in its content, does not explore emotional aspects of sex and sexuality, relationships, pleasure, or consent, neglects LGBTI needs, and too often relies on scare tactics and focuses on abstinence. At the same time, students also report positive experiences, of sexuality education that was informative and comprehensive, inclusive and open (Waling et al. 2020).
Sexuality education must address gender and power. Research finds that in sexuality education, programs with content on gender and power were more effective than programs without these. Programs with content on gender and power showed significant decreases in pregnancy or STIs, more so than program without such content. The programs that addressed gender or power were five times as likely to be effective as those that did not (Haberland, 2015).
Comprehensive sexuality education can lessen the perpetration of sexual violence because it addresses many of the risk factors associated with perpetration and reaches young people at a developmentally appropriate age (Schneider & Hirsch, 2018).
Among undergraduate students in a US study, those students who had received school-based sex education promoting refusal skills before age 18 had lower levels of sexual assault victimisation since entering university (termed ‘college’ in the US system). While comprehensive sexuality educaton was protective against later victimisation, abstinence-only instruction was not. As the study notes, “Pre-college comprehensive sexuality education, including skills-based training in refusing unwanted sex, may be an effective strategy for preventing sexual assault in college [university].” (Santelli et al., 2018, p. 2)
Read all the stats and with citations here.
What Asking For Consent Really Looks Like
Until consent and sex education is universal, we’re going to have to fill in the gaps by sharing info and having conversations with friends and family, as well as practicing consent in sexy and not sexy ways everyday.
We’ve gotten to the place where most folks are understanding that:
Image created by Sama Al-Zanoon @short.fuse for SACHA
Image description: Infographic with text: Consent isn't that complicated. 1. Ask! Words are best. 'Is this okay?' 2. Really listen! Anything other than a 'heck yes!' is a 'no'. "I don't know..." "Let's slow down." 3. Make space for a 'no'. You don't have to be excited to hear 'no'. Using anger, pressure, or bargaining to get a 'yes' is not consent. "No" "I understand" 4. 'Yes' can change to 'no' at anytime. "Its this still okay?" "I'm not feeling it anymore"
@SACHAhamont Graphic by Sama Al-Zanoon @short.fuse
Consent is essential
Asking with words is often the best way to get clear consent
We’ve still got lots of learning to do, so here’s some next steps to upping our understanding what clear consent communication can look like:
ASK! Words are best.
REALLY LISTEN! Anything other than a ‘heck yes!’ is a ‘no’.
MAKE SPACE FOR A ‘NO’. You don’t have to be excited to hear ‘no’. Using anger, pressure, or bargaining to get a ‘yes’ is not consent.
‘YES’ CAN CHANGE TO ‘NO’ AT ANY TIME.
Ways to Practice Consent Everyday
If we fall into the trap that consent is just for fun sexy-times, it leaves us not only with no place to practice consent (leaving us hecka awkward when it does come around to using consent during sexy-times) and also with no possibility models for what consent can look like.
There are some ways we can integrate consent into stuff we do everyday:
Ask for consent for stuff like hugs. Here’s a fab list of things outside of sexy-times you can practice fab consent skills.
When you meet someone new, ask what pronouns they use. Then really listen.
Get better at recognizing all the different ways no can be communicated. (Hint: Anything other than a super clear ‘HECK YES!’ is a ‘no’. No could look like:
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe another time.”
silence
turns away
“My parents are coming home soon.”
“I guess… If you want to.”
Ask permission to take a someone’s photo. Asking permission before posting the photo on social media. This can be a great way to practice the ‘specific’ part of consent. Example: “Can I put this pic on Facebook?” “Sure, but please keep the post private so just our mutual friends can see it.”
Practice saying ‘no’ with safe people. Marginalized folks (women, poor folks, disabled folks, trans and non-binary folks, people of colour) have been socialized to be ‘nice’ and ‘kind’, which often translates to putting other peoples needs ahead of our own. Practicing saying ‘no’ with our friends we trust can be a great way for building confidence to setting boundaries with other folks in our lives.
Thank folks for saying ‘no’. For most folks, this is a brand new skill. When someone close to you gets out of their comfort zone tries out a new skill, applaud them!
Give folks options. Have a nephew that is scared to hug a relative at a family dinner? Let them know that they don’t have to have anyone touch their body if they don’t want to. A high five or a wave is just as awesome.
Get clarity. Because most folks don’t understand consent, it’s safer for them to not give a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Kindly get clarification or let the person know that you won’t move forward without an enthusiastic ‘YES!’.
What are some of your fave consent resources?