9 Ways to Practice Consent Every Day
For May, Sexual Violence Prevention Month, DWS will be posting more info about sexual violence, prevention, and consent.
Bar and restaurant staff! Learn skills to prevent sexual violence in this FREE & not boring workshop DWS is facilitating on May 24 & 31. More info and sign up here.
Image description: Text '9 Ways to Practice Consent Every Day' on purple galaxy background with illustrations of people.
Although most Canadians don’t understand what consent is, most folks don’t want to harm people. With consent skills being so knew to most people, we need places with less stress to practice consent.
What Is Consent?
In Canada, consent is covered the criminal code, but that’s just a minimum and who really wants just the minimum? (Would you be excited to get paid the minimum wage???)
Image description: Consent infographic created by Planned Parenthood. In middle of image ‘con ● sent’ with headings above and below separated by pink dotted lines: ‘Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime. Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation. Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others. Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent. Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.’
Consent is:
Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime
Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation
Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others
Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent.
Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.
Text and images created by Planned Parenthood
What Consent Can Look Like
Right now, folks generally agree that:
Image created by Sama Al-Zanoon @short.fuse for SACHA
Consent is essential
Asking with words is often the best way to get clear consent
We’ve still got lots of learning to do, so here’s some next steps to upping our understanding what clear consent communication can look like:
ASK! Words are best.
REALLY LISTEN! Anything other than a ‘heck yes!’ is a ‘no’.
MAKE SPACE FOR A ‘NO’. You don’t have to be excited to hear ‘no’. Using anger, pressure, or bargaining to get a ‘yes’ is not consent.
‘YES’ CAN CHANGE TO ‘NO’ AT ANY TIME.
Ways to Practice Consent Everyday
If we fall into the trap that consent is just for fun sexy-times, it leaves us not only with no place to practice consent (leaving us hecka awkward when it does come around to using consent during sexy-times) and also with no possibility models for what consent can look like.
There are some ways we can integrate consent into stuff we do everyday:
Ask for consent for stuff like hugs. Here’s a fab list of things outside of sexy-times you can practice fab consent skills.
When you meet someone new, ask what pronouns they use. Then really listen.
Get better at recognizing all the different ways no can be communicated. (Hint: Anything other than a super clear ‘HECK YES!’ is a ‘no’. No could look like:
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe another time.”
silence
turns away
“My parents are coming home soon.”
“I guess… If you want to.”
Ask permission to take a someone’s photo. Asking permission before posting the photo on social media. This can be a great way to practice the ‘specific’ part of consent. Example: “Can I put this pic on Facebook?” “Sure, but please keep the post private so just our mutual friends can see it.”
Practice saying ‘no’ with safe people. Marginalized folks (women, poor folks, disabled folks, trans and non-binary folks, people of colour) have been socialized to be ‘nice’ and ‘kind’, which often translates to putting other peoples needs ahead of our own. Practicing saying ‘no’ with our friends we trust can be a great way for building confidence to setting boundaries with other folks in our lives.
Thank folks for saying ‘no’. For most folks, this is a brand new skill. When someone close to you gets out of their comfort zone tries out a new skill, applaud them!
Give folks options. Have a nephew that is scared to hug a relative at a family dinner? Let them know that they don’t have to have anyone touch their body if they don’t want to. A high five or a wave is just as awesome.
Get clarity. Because most folks don’t understand consent, it’s safer for them to not give a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Kindly get clarification or let the person know that you won’t move forward without an enthusiastic ‘YES!’.
What are some of your fave consent resources?
Get SUPPORT
YUKON SUPPORTS
Women’s Shelters:
Whitehorse
24 Hour Crisis Line - 867.668.5733
Dawson City
Dawson Women’s Shelter
24 Hour Support Line - 867.993.5086
Watson Lake
24 Hour Crisis Line - 867.536.7233
SART - Sexualized Assault Response Team
24 hour Yukon-based support for someone who has been sexually assaulted or their supporters. 1-844-967-7275
Website: yukon.ca/en/sartyukon/home
Victim Services provides help for victims dealing with a range of different crimes. It does not matter whether the victim has reported the crime, a charge has been laid or if there has been a conviction. We provide services to all people affected by a crime.
Whitehorse - 867-667-8500
Dawson City - 867-993-5831
Website: yukon.ca/en/legal-and-social-supports/supports-victims-crime/find-out-about-victim-services
CMHA Reach Out Support Line operates from 10am to 2am seven days a week with trained volunteers who will listen, support and help callers find options. 1-844-533-3030
Website: yukon.cmha.ca
Mental Wellness and Substance Use Services provides a variety of services, including individual counselling, outreach services, and community support. 1-866-456-3838
Website: yukon.ca/en/places/mental-wellness-and-substance-use-services
Tr’ondëk Hwëch’in Support Centre
Wellness is an important part of our spirit. The TH Wellness team uses a traditional approach to help our citizens. 867.993.7100 x164.
Website: trondek.ca/health.php
CANADA-WIDE SUPPORTS
Assaulted Women’s Helpline
Toll-free: 1 866-863-0511
Website: awhl.org
Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women Support Line a national, toll-free 24/7 crisis call line providing support for anyone who requires emotional assistance related to missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls. 1-844-413-6649
Website: rcaanc-cirnac.gc.ca
National Indian Residential School Crisis Line provides 24-hour crisis support to former Indian Residential School students and their families toll-free at 1-866-925-4419.
Website: sac-isc.gc.ca
Hope for Wellness Help Line is available to all Indigenous peoples across Canada who need immediate crisis intervention. Experienced and culturally sensitive help line counsellors can help if you want to talk or are distressed. 1-855-242-3310
Website: sac-isc.gc.ca
TransLifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers. Our operators are located all over the U.S. and Canada, and are all trans-identified. We will do our best to support you and provide you resources. 1-877-330-6366.
Website: translifeline.org
Crisis Services Canada is available to all Canadians seeking support. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 1-833-456-4566 (24/7) or text 45645 (7PM - 3AM PST).
Website: suicideprevention.ca
Kids Help Phone is available 24 hours a day to Canadians aged 5 to 29 who want confidential and anonymous care from professional counsellors. Call 1-800-668-6868 (toll-free) or text CONNECT to 686868
Website: kidshelpphone.ca
