Consent is Everything
For May, Sexual Violence Prevention Month, DWS will be posting more info about sexual violence, prevention, and consent.
Bar and restaurant staff! Learn skills to prevent sexual violence in this FREE & not boring workshop DWS is facilitating on May 24 & 31. More info and sign up here.
Image description: Text 'Consent is Everything' on purple galaxy background with many illustrations of people
Fifteen years ago it was rare to find someone who could give a quick definition of consent, let alone share some details or what consent might look like day to day.
Thanks to fabulous work of survivors, community activists, and educators, our cultural understanding of consent has exploded in growth in the last decade.
There is still a tremendous ways to go…
Almost all Canadians (96%) believe all sexual activities should be consensual yet only 1 in 3 Canadians understand what it means to give consent
According to Canadian law, consent should be both positive (e.g. saying yes, initiating and/or enjoying sexual activity) and ongoing (e.g. continues during the sexual activity). Only 1 in 3 (33%) survey respondents identified both of these traits as forms of consent
While most Canadians (97%) believe consent is required for sexual activity between people on a casual date or between new partners, 1 in 10 Canadians believe consent to sexual activity is not needed between long-term partners and spouses
1 in 5 Canadians between the ages of 18 to 34 believe if a woman sends an explicit photo through email or text, this always means she is giving consent to a sexual activity.
All statistics are from Canadian Women’s Foundation who also made this kick ass video about consent:
What Is Consent?
In Canada, consent is covered the criminal code, but that’s just a minimum and who really wants just the minimum? (Would you be excited to get paid the minimum wage???)
Image description: Consent infographic created by Planned Parenthood. In middle of image ‘con ● sent’ with headings above and below separated by pink dotted lines: ‘Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime. Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation. Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others. Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent. Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.’
Consent is:
Ongoing: Anyone can change their mind about what they’re interested in doing, anytime
Freely given: Saying ‘yes’ without pressure or manipulation
Specific: Saying ‘yes’ to one act doesn’t mean you’ve said ‘yes’ to others
Informed: Not deceiving or lying. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t consent.
Enthusiastic: It’s about wanting to do something, not feeling like you have to or should do something.
Text and images created by Planned Parenthood
CONSENT SHOULD BE UNIVERSAL
….aaaaaaand the laws in Canada are different than our neighbours.
OPHEA teamed up with kick-ass activist Julie Lalonde to make a quick video about Canadian consent law.
“If someone is guilt-tripping you, or making you feel like if you don’t agree to something they are going to break up with you or spread rumours about you, that person is trying to coerce you and that is not ok.”
Suddenly Everyone’s Talking ‘Bout It
Have you seen the tea video? EVERYONE was asking me this in spring of 2015. Five years ago this nearly three minute video was released and it was on everyone’s feed. I was PUMPED. Folks were finally jazzed about talking about consent.
The Consent Tea video is popular because it’s hilarious, accessible (talking about abuse, harm, and even fun consensual sex is truly hard in a culture that has a lot of shitty feels about bodies, sexualities, and feelings), narrated by a male sounding voice (men care about consent too!), and points out that consent is pretty simple - either you have it or you don’t. (I still get questions about how consent is sooooooo confusing and complicated, but they are thankfully petering out… Slowly…)
Image description: Consent infographic created by Planned Parenthood. Text ‘Consent. Freely Given. Reversible. Informed. Enthusiastic. Specific.’ text is arranged so first letters spell ‘fries’. Illustration of fast food fries with ‘I ~heart~ fries’ on take away container.
At DWS, we’re big fans of the Consent Tea vid. Don’t get confused. In it’s five years, it has been over EIGHT MILLION TIMES on it’s creator’s youtube channel alone.
The tea video is a good starting place, but can’t be where our consent convo ends. It talks about consent like we only need it for penetrative intercourse. This is a trap because if we think consent is only need for one very specific sexual act when are we ever going to have a place to practice our consent skills or seen them modeled by folks we know?
The fab folks who made the original tea vid followed up with an even more fabulous Consent for Kids video, which we use in workshops with folks of all ages because it gets into bodily autonomy and what a safe ‘no’ can look like.
What Asking For Consent Really Looks Like
We’ve gotten to the place where most folks are understanding that:
Image created by Sama Al-Zanoon @short.fuse for SACHA
Consent is essential
Asking with words is often the best way to get clear consent
We’ve still got lots of learning to do, so here’s some next steps to upping our understanding what clear consent communication can look like:
ASK! Words are best.
REALLY LISTEN! Anything other than a ‘heck yes!’ is a ‘no’.
MAKE SPACE FOR A ‘NO’. You don’t have to be excited to hear ‘no’. Using anger, pressure, or bargaining to get a ‘yes’ is not consent.
‘YES’ CAN CHANGE TO ‘NO’ AT ANY TIME.
What are some of your fave consent resources?
MORE SUPPORTS
YUKON SUPPORTS
Women’s Shelters:
Whitehorse
24 Hour Crisis Line - 867.668.5733
Dawson City
Dawson Women’s Shelter
24 Hour Support Line - 867.993.5086
Watson Lake
24 Hour Crisis Line - 867.536.7233
SART - Sexualized Assault Response Team
24 hour Yukon-based support for someone who has been sexually assaulted or their supporters. 1-844-967-7275
Website: yukon.ca/en/sartyukon/home
Victim Services provides help for victims dealing with a range of different crimes. It does not matter whether the victim has reported the crime, a charge has been laid or if there has been a conviction. We provide services to all people affected by a crime.
Whitehorse - 867-667-8500
Dawson City - 867-993-5831
Website: yukon.ca/en/legal-and-social-supports/supports-victims-crime/find-out-about-victim-services
CMHA Reach Out Support Line operates from 10am to 2am seven days a week with trained volunteers who will listen, support and help callers find options. 1-844-533-3030
Website: yukon.cmha.ca
Mental Wellness and Substance Use Services provides a variety of services, including individual counselling, outreach services, and community support. 1-866-456-3838
Website: yukon.ca/en/places/mental-wellness-and-substance-use-services
Tr’ondëk Hwëch’in Support Centre
Wellness is an important part of our spirit. The TH Wellness team uses a traditional approach to help our citizens. 867.993.7100 x164.
Website: trondek.ca/health.php
CANADA-WIDE SUPPORTS
Assaulted Women’s Helpline
Toll-free: 1 866-863-0511
Website: awhl.org
Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women Support Line a national, toll-free 24/7 crisis call line providing support for anyone who requires emotional assistance related to missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls. 1-844-413-6649
Website: rcaanc-cirnac.gc.ca
National Indian Residential School Crisis Line provides 24-hour crisis support to former Indian Residential School students and their families toll-free at 1-866-925-4419.
Website: sac-isc.gc.ca
Hope for Wellness Help Line is available to all Indigenous peoples across Canada who need immediate crisis intervention. Experienced and culturally sensitive help line counsellors can help if you want to talk or are distressed. 1-855-242-3310
Website: sac-isc.gc.ca
TransLifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers. Our operators are located all over the U.S. and Canada, and are all trans-identified. We will do our best to support you and provide you resources. 1-877-330-6366.
Website: translifeline.org
Crisis Services Canada is available to all Canadians seeking support. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 1-833-456-4566 (24/7) or text 45645 (7PM - 3AM PST).
Website: suicideprevention.ca
Kids Help Phone is available 24 hours a day to Canadians aged 5 to 29 who want confidential and anonymous care from professional counsellors. Call 1-800-668-6868 (toll-free) or text CONNECT to 686868
Website: kidshelpphone.ca
